Sunday Dec 04, 2022

In honour of barbarian Customs

Blogger has been frustrating my posts for the last 2 hours. I blog and before I publish, the page refreshes and I lose all my work…I am furious and will now proceed on a voyage of cyberblabber. (pronounce that in one breath, i dare you!)

Today I will talk about the importance of speechmaking. It’s good to make speeches. afterall, we love to quote them. In fact we invent them and then attribute them to socrates, plato, aristotle, karl marx or oscar wilde. But as Jeremy bentham once said, “be kind to the people you meet on your way up the ladder of success…you might meet them on your way down” You ask me, how so?

1. When you write long speeches…it makes you look smarter then the rest of us. With all your footnotes, examples, latin maxims and tribal proverbs, you make us smart kids look really, REALLY dumb.

2. we know you just want to be popular.It’s okay to be popular and smart…but don’t make the rest of us look like Clark Kent. We have superpowers y’know!!!

3. you make people bored and tired. like my vice-principal in high school. He could talk and talk and talk…and you’d wonder…”was he talking to me?”. It’s okay to give us something nice and soundbitey…but stick to that. We remember short speeches better!!!

4. You make high school kids groan under the weight of study. Their principals will talk and talk about it. then their english and literature teachers will make them slave away for the whole term on an essay that they themselves are grappling with. The Mr. Apatas and Mr. Jamabos and Mr. Elechis of this world, take note.

5. You will create a lot of problems. Burnt out professors will make a comeback publishing annoyingly long, banal, braindraining papers on “the new, invigorating, stunningly brilliant post-existential, post-grunge observations of Monsieur XYZ”. Students will form ideological alliances over what you didn’t really mean. Countries will go to war, Christians will oppose Muslims and so on….
6. You would give dirty, ugly politicians something catchy to sell to us. they will tell us to manouever and manouever and womanouever till we fall on the side of justice. “I will bring this moribund association into a state of comatose!”
7. You will cause facebook, twitter and every reasonable social networking site to be jammed with “wise” sayings. Status updates now only tell us someone’s been to the library!!!
7. You will make me waste my time typing up this post which no one may read until a whole week as I have no followers at the moment. *smh!*
And so, dear reader, I have come to the end of my opening rant. And for the more perceptive of you, Jeremy bentham never said anything like that. I read it off a roll of toilet paper!!!! :-p


2 thoughts on “In honour of barbarian Customs

  1. Well you have also succeeded in making us feel dumber. If this was four years ago, you were a genius (you still are…lol)

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