My name is John Mangoseed. You can call me John. I was a pretty normal guy until this time last year. I had a Job I hated but did with all my heart, I had co-workers that were basically my whole social life, I lived in a crappy apartment where the roof leaked in the toilet and you could hear the water drip from the roof into the toilet bowl with a poink sound.
Everything changed for me when I closed from work one gray Tuesday evening. I signed out at the front desk, returned my hard hat, gloves and fireproof jacket to the storekeeper, picked my bag from the locker room and headed out. The sky hung low like tapestry created by an angry interior decorator- wicked-looking clouds that didn’t even pretend to have a silver lining. Working for the last 8 hours in the sweltering heat of Adetokunbo Foundries had deadened my skin so much that I hardly felt anything at all.
So I as I rode my bike down the driveway, I didn’t feel the wind whipping my face; didn’t feel the salty air sting my eyes; neither did I feel the speed bumps on the windy road. I wish I could have felt the impact of the car behind me as it rammed my bike straight into the next speed bump. The bike coasted for 3 seconds, tyres losing traction, squealing loudly like a nollywood accident. I smelt the burning rubber, and suddenly the bike hit the speed bump. I found myself hurtling forward to my death.
I didn’t feel the pain as my skull smashed into the Asphalt; I didn’t feel the water as it began to drizzle on my face. I couldn’t even close my eyes as the water ran down my eyeballs to the road. I tasted the salty trickle of blood as it ran down my nasal passages, tickled my tonsils and deposited itself at the back of my throat. I was paralyzed.
The nurses chattered over my lifeless body like I was a piece of meat.
“Just look at this guy. So handsome!”
“He has huge feet” said one of the nurses and she giggled. “you know what they say about guys with big feet”
she replied “come on, Halima. You know it’s just a saying” her friend chided
“what do you say we test it out now?” Halima replied.
“Asabe Omorodion will not engage in such unethical behavior”
“I’ll bet he has a big schmuck. In fact I’ll just zip him down right now” A new voice declared. All the nurses giggled in Unison.
Dear God! These girls were actually going to do it. I tried to move my hands and feet, but they were as heavy as the anvil I had used just some minutes ago. My feet didn’t move. My Lips couldn’t respond- heck, my lungs couldn’t even push up air. Maybe if they saw my eyelids flutter they would notice. I concentrated with all my might to move my eyelids- even if it was a tiny twitch in the corner of my eye, but nothing happened. A male voice wafted through what I Imagined must be the door.
“Ah, come on ladies! Already taking advantage of our guest! And you didn’t wait for me to arrive”
“we didn’t think you shared our necrophilia, doctor” Asabe said.
“WHAT?!” doctor exclaimed. “He’s dead?!” “considering there’s no response to stimuli, I think this one’s a vegetable. So far, no family or friends have shown up. You know hospital policy- after two weeks, we just pull the plug” Halima offered.
“well, that’s why I’m here. The ER guys found his ID card in the wallet and the guys at admin called his office. His office just called back to confirm he’s a member of their staff. Turns out he has some pretty good insurance coverage.”
“which employer gives insurance coverage in Nigeria?” Asabe sneered
“Adetokunbo Foundries”, ‘Doctor’ replied. A communal hush fell upon the entire room.
“wow. What was he doing riding a motorbike then?”
“apparently his personal choice”. Doctor said. “their head of HR says they noticed his absence just yesterday but no one could tell them where he was. He simply left work and didn’t return”
“so they’ve decided they’re paying the bills?”
“yes. They’re also trying to contact his family in Akure, Ondo state. I want you ladies to take special care of this one, you hear me? You know how these big companies can get when it involves their staff. DentonWest cannot afford any medical malpractice lawsuits, you understand that?”
“yes, sir. I do. Perfectly sir”.
And that was how I escaped being fondled by crazy nurses.
But I’ve not told you what happened to me after that, have I? well you’ll have to turn the page. Sorry 🙂