I’ve come to love the night.
Obviously the best reason is that at night the human body slows down, temperatures lower, the good stuff comes on TV, the kids are asleep, the husband is tired, and I can finally have some alone time.
I’m not saying that my life isn’t satisfying- I have everything I thought i would need, and more. But the night gives me the only opportunity to do something i can’t do in front of other people.
It gives me the time to read. I have to hide them under the bed, because I know if anyone finds them they wouldn’t understand my obsession with the occult. With Magic. With Hell.
You see, after I heard the story of Moses seeing the burning (and talking) bush, I looked forward to Sunday school. My teacher was a theatre arts student and would come to church with these dramatic paintings and picture stories and he would tell about the ten plagues with such rich tones that at first I wanted I thought the ten plagues really sounded as beautiful. Locusts devouring everything is sight. Frogs leaping out of baking ovens. But it struck me that the Magicians of Egypt were able to turn their staffs into snakes. And were able to turn water from the Nile into Blood as well.
By the time I was nine, I already started looking for passages with the word “witch”, “magician” and Sorcerer. Witch appears 11 times. Magician appears 15 times. Sorcery Appears 15 times. By the time I was in high school I began sneaking books about witchcraft, sorcery, necromancy and soul travel. I was curious.
My mother thought if i had some healthy obsession other than dark topics like demonology, I would outgrow the phase. But I didn’t. I still wanted to know the real reason Lucifer was cast down from heaven. Was it really because he wanted to be like God? Is there something wrong in wanting to be like God? Didn’t God say to Abraham, “Be perfect as I AM perfect? Doesn’t Isaiah 14 begin talking about King Cyrus who is called mocked and called Lucifer when he dies? And Revelations- is the rapture before the great tribulation? Is the beast an actual beast with 10 talking horns? Is the beast a person? Will people really be immortal after the rapture? is there really a rapture? What if eternal life is only on the inside? So Death AND hell will be cast into the lake of fire…that’s like a more powerful hell?
My Sunday school teachers usually shushed me when I asked those questions aloud; and then my fellowship people; and even some websites that promised to explain Biblical Mysteries. So 5 years ago I bought 5 Bibles, 3 Concordances, and Teach-yourself-Hebrew-Greek-and-Aramaic Book. So that I can understand for myself if there’s something I’m missing.
But until then, I’ll continue being the perfect mother, wife, Choir leader, and programmer. That’s what Microsoft pays me to do anyway.