Thursday Feb 02, 2023


When I met Syandene, I felt that insane attraction.



The kind that makes me question every choice I’ve ever made – and every option I ever rejected. Am I sure I’m in the right place? Doing the right thing? Dating the Right person? She had these legs that looked like they were baked in the same factory that makes McVite’s Shortbread. Long, slender, tender, soft. Probably tasty.


I digress.


Life isn’t quite as pleasant when you have to take the advice you’ve glibly dished out over the years, you know?


I used to think anybody who’s attracted to an obviously-married woman must be sick in the head. Till that person became me and I found myself seriously arguing on both sides. Sometimes thinking “well, they ARE getting a divorce. They’ve been separated for YEARS” and at other times chastising myself “listen dude, YOU’RE exactly the kind of person they’re praying against. Technically you’d be the devil that stops them from getting back together. Why don’t you pray for healing in that Marriage?”.



Oh, what about the guys who cheat on their girlfriends? It was easy to criticize them as long as I had no particular temptation to do so (I’ve been mostly single my whole life). What kind of a guy chases down a (probably unwilling) girl and then starts spending inordinate amounts of time with other people? How dare he be attracted to someone else? How dare he be confused whether he has crossed an ethical line or not?.


It was when i actually got into a serious relationship that the reality set in. You spend 10 minutes with Syandene and  realize instantly “yo, this girl is going to be a PROBLEM, fam!” and your knee-jerk reaction is to pull back instantly. Burn that bridge. No time for nonsense.


But you see, it’s not that simple. You can’t cut everybody off simply because there was a passing attraction to them. You quickly learn that these situations will always happen as long as you have functioning eyes. What changes then is your mindset – that because you have chosen Ms X, all other females are extras in the cast of your life. So you keep in touch with Syandene & you only text her every three days.


Even though the excitement shoots up and down your spine every time you see Syandene; even though you’re inexplicably soft and mushy around her; even though the silences that intersperse your witty conversations fill you with deadly anticipation for that next ping – you rest, secure in the fact that this is just for the thrills and it’s not going anywhere. Even if you’re buying her underwear and vetting all her dates; even when you  tell her how Ms. X is being distant at the moment; even when she texts you at 2:49am to say “can’t sleep”.

Surely, it doesn’t matter that it was going to be a light kiss on her cheek until she turned unexpectedly, does it? No need to beat yourself up over a mistake. So when Ms. X asks if everything’s okay, you’re free to blame the distance on anything from work-related stress to taking care of the neighbours’ kids. Anything but Syandene’s troublesome legs.


The next time you’re filled with indignation when your neighbour brings the third different girl into his basement this week, you remember the warmth from the vixen now lying in your lap. Your own case is different. Technically you’re not cheating. It’s not like you guys had sex or anything. But that guy across the street… he’s surely going to hell, such a cheater.


Technically, you’re a hypocrite.


Take that log out of your eye, fam.


All references to people and places are entirely mischievous and fictitious.

The Model in this post is Aide Erhime [2016]


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