Brume. This guy i admire in my class because the lowest grade he’s ever got in school was an A- . He happens to be Nigerian and that’s a real comfort when I’m sitting in a class full of Chinese, Scandinavian and the odd Canadian. Weird thing is, even though I’ve known him for four months, last night was the first time I visited him.
I didn’t regret it.
First, I arrived at the same time as the pizza he ordered and so he yelled the customary Nigerian compliment “dude you’re a bad farmer”. Actually, he bungled that statement. It’s supposed to be “you’re a good farmer”. I’ve never asked about how people started saying that. I hope none of the whiteys ever ask me.
Then I introduce him to Snarky Puppy (he’s never heard of them) and Dirty Loops (YOU haven’t heard of them either. stop judging). The music gets us high and soon we’re laughing and talking about immigrant life. Then he mentions his girlfriend who wants him to come back to Nigeria permanently to settle down.
I laughed. Yes, in spite of myself, I laughed. Who no like better thing? He was asking about my girlfriend; I had the difficult task of explaining how my life is complicated. It was already 1:30am and I’d need to sleep before heading to Church. So he walked me down to the nearest bus stop. By this time in the complicated explanation, we were talking about a girl who I’d been in love with and her reason for saying no was that she was older than me.
“what?!” he sneered
“that was exactly what I said”
“what was the age difference?”
“it was barely a year”
“that’s the stupidest excuse ever”
“that’s what I thought at the time”
Brume was silent for a few seconds. A cold wind started blowing. He was wearing only shorts and a sweatshirt. So the cold began to bite. And he needed to stay warm. before we parted ways he said to me:
“age doesn’t matter. what matters is how much of a man you were to her. If she sees you as the MAN that can lead her and provide for her and protect her then age will never be an excuse”
Tell you the truth- I’d never seen it that way. I was humbled. And the fact that I couldn’t see that back then- it meant I truly wasn’t ready. If anyone had told me that at the time, I’m sure I would have waved them off (or mentally cut them out of my last will and testament). Maybe that’s something we don’t consider when we fall in love with older girls. Jerry Chi totally did justice to the topic . Years after i was caught in that web, I finally agree- that age really does matter. Do you?
My friend, Brume, is a smart guy.